It took me almost a week to decide I was going to send her a message, but only about 20 minutes to figure out what to say. My subject line was cryptic, the month, year and city of my birth. I hoped it wouldn’t be deleted as spam that way. The message was simple, my apologies for intruding but I came across your name while searching for “birthmother’s maiden name” if this is you I’d very much like to speak to you if you are interested, if not sorry for the unsolicited message.
Then I waited. The longest wait of my life.
There is a proverb from Confucius that says “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, first dig two graves”. Clearly revenge isn’t the goal, but that proverb bounces around my head as I recall my search for my birth mother. I feel it’s really important to point out that you will be changed by your search. The proverb feels like both a warning of being careful how you proceed and also knowing that the search and the results will alter everyone’s life forever.
please note that these comments, opinions and experiences are my own, your mileage may vary
for a bit about my credibility as someone who can rant about things like adoption see this post
Opening the Pandora’s Box
Of all the things in my life I am passionate about, adoptee rights never really occurred to me as being one of them. It turns out however that I am not just rabidly opinionated about it I am quite passionate about my rights as an adoptee (and yours too).